Goodbyes, anxiety and the stress of so many unknowns that come with travelling have culminated in many nights of the pre-travel wobbles for me. Now, I am a chronic overthinker - to the point where I could probably overthink a situation before it even enters my brain - but I like to think that most backpackers have found themselves in the same situation. 

    It hits at any point, not just the days before, but randomly, weeks or months before. Sometimes when you're planning the trip, overwhelmed by all the places that you want to visit but physically cannot do, and wondering 'how on earth am I ever going to afford all this?'. Sometimes it's when you're saying goodbye, which alarmingly now as an adult can be months before the trip, often with people that you likely may not have seen for months regardless. And sometimes it comes at night, never more so than the night before...  

    As I write this, I'm lying in my childhood bedroom for the last time until December. It's not actually that long I'm away for and in fact, if I hadn't quit my job, I'd be heading back to it in a day or two anyway until Christmas. It seems silly now to feel sad and anxious leaving something I had to leave anyway. Especially as someone who moved to the opposite end of the country, I'm trading a six hour train from Southampton for a two hour flight from Italy should I desperately want to go home. 

    When I first went backpacking I was an inexperienced nineteen-year-old who had never spent more than two weeks away from home. It felt natural to be anxious and scared. Now, I'm twenty-four and I've lived at the opposite end of the country from my parents for five years. Five years in a city I've since fallen out of love with - though I’m not sure that I was ever in love with it to begin with. A city I knew I had to leave for my own happiness. 

    A decision I made on, quite frankly, a whim, begins now. Somehow, I am more scared than when I was nineteen but maybe that's what age does to us. This is higher stakes. My gap year was a break; youthful fun before the, well, youthful fun of university. Now, I'm supposed to be adulting. 

    It's scary giving up stability, routine, and even things I sometimes resented like the gym or cleaning after a long day at work but I realise now how much I loved those things too (well, maybe not the cleaning). And I know that I'll appreciate it when I come back to reality, whenever that may be. 

Mangwon Dong on Unsplash

    I finish this post on a bus from Milan to Matera, officially starting my solo travel having said goodbye to two of my best friends who I spent the first three days with, and I am feeling weirdly emotional - not sad, but not happy either, just overwhelmed. 

    Don't get me wrong, I am also unbelievably excited and that outweighs all the other emotions nine times out of ten. But as naturally we are as humans - or at least I am - we dwell on the negative emotions more and feel more consumed by them. However, that is part of the travelling experience and I am so excited to break out of the routine of the last five years and focus on the excitement of the adventure! 

 Meg